Hackey, Sneezy, and The Leaking Man

Posted: March 30, 2011 by sneakerporndiaries in Uncategorized

Over the past three days I’ve used just over a quarter of a bottle of hand sanitizer.

One of the owners of the company I work for has had a “cough” for about a week, maybe a little longer. I try to keep my distance, but there’s only so much room in a cube that’s really a rectangle with one viable exit…which happens to be blocked by said owner.  I’ve decided it’s unwise to alienate the owner.  If I’m careful I can hold my breath for a full sixty seconds when she’s near before I start flopping in the chair due to lack of oxygen.

Since our part-time person (and my back-up) decided to just…leave…tossing six months of receivables notes into the trash on her way out the door, I’ve had to train a new part-time person in crash-course-fashion.  She’s got some head thing, sneezes a lot, and sounds like there’s a bag of cotton stuffed up her nose.  She’s like me in that she tends to talk a little with her hands (okay…I talk a LOT with my hands, and have brought grown men accidentally to their knees describing the widths of rivers across the United States).  Yesterday she yanked her hand out of one of her pockets, slinging a crumpled wad of Kleenex into the air…

…which promptly landed on my printer…

She swore it wasn’t used.

The best was our other IT director who happens to sit near my area, is deaf in one ear (makes for a great phone call), and has the most remarkable temper tantrums.  When he discovered my abilities to cruise around Microsoft Office and referred to me as a “Super User”, I just knew I would be in trouble.  He recently returned from a trip to the Bahamas this past Monday.  Along with a fresh sunburn (which left his face slightly swollen) he brought back presents.  A clogged head and blood red eyes.  Others in management sent him home sometime after he commented on his eyes being glued shut that morning.

He called his wife and made it very clear he was “sent home for the day…and he came BACK yesterday…moaning and complaining about how bad he felt.  And then he left again.

Like a bad boomerang he showed up just before I did this morning.  I asked how he was feeling.  “Three massive infections…eyes, ears, upper respiratory”.  Apparently he picked up the conjunctathingy in the swimming pool in the Bahamas.  Yes, ladies and gents…again, my argument for why I don’t do “Community Candy Bags” is once again strongly supported.  His doctor threatened to put him in the hospital…really?  Really?  Aaaaand you’re at the office…………WHY?

I was trapped in a meeting yesterday in between Hackey and Sneezy for four hours.  The Leaking Man decided to use my fax machine today just before I clocked out (putting himself between me and the only viable exit I could have accessed).  He thought it was amusing to blow air in my direction.

I gave enormous thought to how amusing it would be to douse him with Lysol and wrap him up with Clorox Clean-Ups.

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