Doing What I Couldn't Before

Posted: February 26, 2012 by sneakerporndiaries in Uncategorized

Last February I was making tentative plans to have weight loss surgery. My surgeon’s office had been told by my insurance company they would have to resubmit my file after I reached the “six month’s of supervised visits with a weight loss doctor”. Fairly standard requirement. I wasn’t shocked or surprised. Plus, I was half way there. The waiting didn’t seem so long at that point.

Backing up to the beginning of January 2011: I had taken my very first spin class. The cycles were arranged in a circle, each rider could see one another. I was so nervous I dropped my water bottle onto the floor, it exploded and created a puddle that was about four feet in diameter. I was also the biggest person in the room. I spent the entire hour parked on my bike. I couldn’t stand up, let alone do a push up, climb hills, or do sprints. I could…pedal. The instructor spoke with me after and encouraged me to come back. I didn’t.

Walking was a chore, typically it’d cause a spasm in my lower back. I couldn’t do stairs as an activity, you should have seen me when I climbed the stairs to my flat! I wouldn’t go near the elliptical. A very angry man made that machine. No way. So in short, I wouldn’t do much of anything in the scope of physical activity.

My inner-me voice would go through this whole dialog with my brain as to why going to the gym wasn’t an option. People aren’t clean. It’s a long drive (it’s under four miles). It’ll cut into my “time”. There’s a movie on Starz. Something got recorded on the DVR. Maybe someone will call for dinner (so they could be completely put out by my limited seating options). Pajamas were more comfortable than the tight pants I had on. There’s ice cream in the freezer.

The list went on.

I had no motivation. Even after my surgery. At three months my doctor got on my case about my activity level and the need to increase it. Admittedly, I had this warped thought the weight would just magically fantastically fall off. Yeah, no. Weight loss surgery provided me with a necessary tool to change my eating habits. I had to make other changes.

Four months ago and forty pounds I still couldn’t do stairs. Friday I did four flights. Yesterday I did a freaking truckload of squats, a handful of lunges (careful lunges), played catch with a ten pound medicine ball (truth be known…I actually whined about being left out on that one). Most days I do five miles on the elliptical (or a little over). I average 17-19 miles in spin class (I eventually went back). Today I did 21.7 miles in spin class and started running. Running. If anyone told me a year ago I’d be running, let alone committing to a TEN-k, I would have fallen into hysterical laughter with an ice cream scoop in my hand.

I’m going to tell my therapist the same thing I’m about to blab to all of you. I have had a lot of changes over the past nine months, most of which my brain hasn’t caught up with yet. I look at that list of what I couldn’t do and the one of what I am doing (oh…and the fact I’m suddenly getting hit on by men)…I see myself in several mirrors every day and think, “Look at me! I’m no longer a hot-fat mess.”

And nobody gets to tell me I “can’t do” whatever “it” is. I’ve tossed myself over a huge hurdle: me. Soon I’ll be scaling mountains.

(Sort of…I’m really not interesting in mountain climbing. I like sleeping in a bed.).


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