How To Guide: StairMaster

Posted: June 21, 2012 by sneakerporndiaries in Exercise, Fall, Friends, Healthy Living, Keeping the Momentum, Personal Training, Quick Tips, Sneaker Porn Diaries, Summer, Uncategorized, Weight Loss

Sure. Write a How To Guide on the proper use of a StairMaster. Are you INsane?

Typical StairMaster

Somewhere around four o’clock this afternoon I decided I was going to try out the StairMaster. I think my spur of the moment decision was fueled by the thought I would be at the gym with Jill while I’m on vacation in San Diego.

(((I can’t suck!)))

With determination driven by sheer purpose (I think I can, I think I can, I think I can) I strode across the gym. Tucked at the end of the last row of cardio paraphernalia were a handful of StairMasters like the one pictured here. A lady was on the end unit, the second was empty, a gentleman was on the third one – so on and so on.

Maybe the use of “gentleman” is premature.

I stuck my water bottle in the water bottle hole. Draped the smelly towel (gym towels smell like they were buried in the backyard) over the rail. Got my playlist together (that’s code for I un-knotted my earphones), then with more purpose climbed up on the machine. I figured out the program I wanted, keyed in my weight, target and resting heart rate, then pressed start.

I made a mental note that the heart rate figures I inputted were most likely wrong because the stairs started to move very rapidly, simulating – oh, I don’t know – how one might run up a flight of stairs! I made a go of it and attempted to get my footing while I desperately searched for a warning label that would have given some detail as to why my feet weren’t fitted to the steps. I also made another mental note: write Nautilus a letter which would state a warning label that shared the bottom step disappears would be incredible knowledge.

I knew I needed to stop the machine and start over. I grabbed the top of the rail to pull myself up. My foot slipped off a step and as I slid down the length of the machine I uttered loudly, “You have GOT to be kidding me.”

The lady to the right and the gentleman to the left never moved. They continued to stare ahead and climb to their destination.

I managed to get myself together and got the machine to cooperate. 30 minutes later I had logged 95 floors. I’m not entirely certain how floors are determined, but I don’t care. I did it.

Afterward I hit the elliptical, and got grossed out when the little skinny chick next to me left the machine and didn’t clean it.


  1. […] from head to toe. Then we did three sixty minute sessions a week. I added in spin, falling off the stair climber, tried running, got into boxing drills (complete with bloody knuckles!), and some weight training. […]

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