Please…Make Me Hit You.

Posted: June 22, 2012 by sneakerporndiaries in Friends, Keeping the Momentum, Quick Tips, Summer, Uncategorized

The last time I had an encounter with a small person who got up in my face was several years ago at a bar in San Diego. A bunch of us attended a memorial service at a VFW hall in town, then met up at our local hangout afterwards. One of the regulars was pretty plowed. I called her other half, he asked if we could have the bartender get her to drink water, and he’d be over to get her in a bit. Well, long story short she found out I spoke to her man and went on a tirade about her being cut off. The last thing I said to her before this argument was broken up: “You are not about to pick a fight with the biggest girl in the bar.”

Tonight was deja vu.

Christine and Kari picked me up just before 9:00 to grab a bite to eat in town at a local joint called Mr. B’s. If you have ever been to Royal Oak you know Friday nights are crazy! To find a parking place typically requires circling the lot several times with high hopes you’ll be lucky enough to land right behind someone backing out of a stall. Otherwise, you try to find a spot on one of the side streets, or the structures, or by the courthouse. Christine had circled the lot several times. From the back seat I muttered, “There’s. No. Where. To. Park.” Christine said she knew and was about to head out of the lot when to the left a car second from the end had pulled out of their space.

So while Chris clearly moved in the direction of the stall, and had her car a third of the way in, this little Dodge Charger backed up until it was about six feet or so from the back of her car.

Kari and I yelped, “Park! Park!” (Or something to that effect).

Oh. Em. Gee.

I saw the passenger door of the Dodge fly open and without much thought put my hand on my door and a skinny, ratty-haired, woman (who hadn’t aged well at all) jumped out and punched Christine’s window while she yelled something very unladylike.

Christine: What the —- was that???

Kari: She punched…the window??

I shoved the door open, planted both feet on the ground, got out of the car and promptly barked at Little Ratty Haired Angry Lady: Get back in your car!

And I pointed. You know, to emphasize I meant her car.

Little Ratty Haired Angry Lady took a step forward and proceeded to call me several choice words (this little altercation was brought to you by the letters M, F, and…the word INSANE!). Again without much thought took a step toward Little Ratty Haired Angry Lady and once again ordered her into her car.

Christine: Traci, get back into the car. Just get in the car.

Kari: (um…Kari later said she was yelling like a little yipper dog and I can’t repeat what she said in public. It was funny…because I don’t know how I missed what she yelled. Just use your imagination.)

So, the Little Ratty Haired Angry Lady attempted once again to get in my face. I saw her hand balled up, and with everything that was in me thought Oh please…please…hit me. Just swing. Because honestly, I would have sent that woman and her skinny ratty arse clear across the parking lot without thinking twice.

Well, as fate would have it…no, actually fate had nothing to do with it. Had to be God – it was a miracle I didn’t clock her. I backed that scrawny little twerp right up to her open passenger door with only two steps and:

Get. Into. Your. Car. NOW.

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