Archive for the ‘Friends’ Category

I want to give a MASSIVE shout out to Wanda D!

Wanda has a heart condition where her heart pumps about 30% to capacity (I reserve the right to correct this – I have another friend who’s lungs are functioning low, so I may have the numbers slightly off), she also has crummy kidneys which requires daily dialysis treatments. Last week at a short girls lunch out, Wanda told us she was going to come to boot camp, she felt motivated by me (sometimes that may not be the best thing to like about me, but I’ll go with it).

After the holiday I sent her an email with a short to-do list. Nothing major, I just wanted to make sure her health was first and foremost, but I didn’t hear back. My friend Anne said Wanda was still coming to class, and so was she! I was thrilled!

So thrilled in fact, I bypassed all three of my alarms (my anxiety and sleep issues don’t have the best timing). Thank God I have Momma Hen Anne who came to the house to make sure I was okay, it’s not like me to just not show up without a heads up.

Anyways, we all made it to the park and a had a really great time. I chased after Anne to keep up, coached them both through each exercise so they wouldn’t hurt already stressed joints, and they weren’t allowed to say “I can’t”.

Wanda did an incredible job! The woman with the heart condition, with crummy kidneys, who clearly stated she would take a nap as soon as she got home…she not only kept up but set the pace.

If these two feisty gals who are forever 21 can meet up at 7:00 on a crispy Saturday morning and allow me to chase them around a park for an hour – you can too. It’s just about healthy choices. And no healthy choice is a bad one (oh, and her doctor cleared her to participate!).

Wanda, you were awesome. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to work with you and Anne this morning.

Workout of the Day

-Walking Lunges x 3 with KBands cone markers
-Three brisk laps around the park
-Squats 15×3
-Rows w/KBands straps 15×3
-Triceps extensions w/KBands resistance bands (yellow and green) 15×3
-Pull downs w/KBands resistance bands (yellow & green) 15×3
-Biceps curls R&L w/KBands resistance bands (yellow & green) 15×3 per arm

I sat in a recliner/rocking chair today. Hung my legs over the side, rocked. Hung one leg over, tucked the other in the chair, rocked. Pulled my legs up, wrapped my arms around my knees, rocked. Later I planted my hands on the arms, pushed myself up a bit, sat Indian style, hugged myself, and loudly announced to my friend Lisa: “I FEEL SO SMALL!!” – and rocked.

Some of you read that and thought, “So…I have a recliner that rocks. Not a big deal.” My girth measured 5.25 feet (curtains come in 5.25′ lengths), and my highest weight calculated to just under 20% of the mass of a short ton. A recliner (that rocks) is an obstacle just as big as I was.

As big as a piece of furniture.

Evidenced by my weird compulsion over the past twenty-seven months to post gobs of before and after pictures on Social Media and scribble my athletic escapades on the internet for all to see, I have humbly been awarded lots of upward thumbs and high-fives. I see notes and receive comments which say “Great job!”, “Congratulations!”, “You look great!”, “What an inspiration!”.

Inspiration. A word which has been spoken into my life (or in print, both apply) over and over and over again by my friends, family, acquaintances. In small and large communications with my friends, family, and acquaintances the words “I wish I could ______” (fill in the blank) come up along with a story of how they want to lose weight, get in shape, wear that dress, go on a date, get off medications, tie their shoes, start a family, life a better and healthier lifestyle. They tell me all of this after they state I’m an inspiration.

If I were this “inspiration” to you: my friends, family, and acquaintances…I’m a poor one because you’re not motivated to move. At. All. I’ve visted you, called you, texted you, emailed you, Facebooked you. I’ve invited you to The Fit Pit, offered to share my sessions with you & have you meet the guy who has motivated me to be healthy. He and his wife also inspired me to start a boot camp class which I’ve invited you: my friends, family, and acquaintances, to attend – via all the outlets above (and in person). You: my friends, family, and acquaintances have said to me (you know, the one you said “What an inspiration!” to):

“I thought that was an invitation for the blog…”
“I have to go grocery shopping…”
“OH MY G…that’s just TOO EARLY!”
“Oh no, too late in the day…” but.you.just.told.me.it was too early?
“At the Pig & Whiskey…” (it’s a night-spot)
“My shows are on…”
“It’s too hot…”
“It’s too cold…”
“I have a gym membership…” aaaaaand???
“I’m sleeping in…”
“I’m planning for the Sunday flu…” yes, this happened.
“Laundry day, cleaning the house later, and my shows are on…”
“My car broke…”

You’re not motivated, and I cannot for the life of me understand why. YOU: my friends, family, and acquaintances, who tell me I am an inspiration – with the knowledge I used to be as big as a recliner – would dare to say to ME your “I wish I could _____” (fill in the blank) with your story of how you want to lose weight, get in shape, wear that dress, go on a date, get off medications, tie your shoes, start a family, life a better and healthier lifestyle.

You’re not motivated. That sucks.

Only Your Best. No Excuses. Never Quit.

Only Your Best. No Excuses. Never Quit.

If you got time to watch all the shows you DVR’d for the past week, cuddle a hangover, eat pancakes, watch cartoons, play video games, catch a movie, have kids to corral or dogs to herd, you got time to workout. I know this to be true…I used to weigh almost 400 pounds.

One day the excuses will run out…or you’ll get tired of the shrill sound of my voice. It’s a lot easier to chase your grandchildren, nieces or nephews, or your own babies when you aren’t tied to a 300 pound brick.

Today I had Boot Camp Solo. I invited 42 people, 1 said “yes”, nobody showed. Yay. 😦

My “gym” of choice was at Butler Elementary in Huntington Woods. A small spot with two baseball fields, short bleachers, a little play park, a track, trees, a water park (I did not go there). It was the perfect morning: sun out, in the high 60’s. Best part was when I rode my bike out into the middle of the baseball field. I didn’t see the sign about no bikes for a good 20 minutes.

Saturday Workout:

Road Cycle: 6.05 miles round trip w/10lb pack (72.2 & 98.4 gains)
Bleachers (run up & down): 25 reps x 5 (125 total)
Push Ups: 25 reps x 5 (125 total)
Squats: 25 reps x 4 (100 total)
Mountain Climbers (I used the bleachers for handles): 60 reps x 4 (240 total)
Track: jogged/walked 4x

According to my little body monitor: I moved 6,797 steps for 3.5 miles (not including the bike ride); I was active for one hour and fifty-six minutes, I was idle for 8 minutes. I burned 2,326 calories | active burn was 1,736 calories | resting burn is 590 calories.

hwpark

huuuuuhI love to share my unexpected moments of shame with the world. Like the day my pants fell down at the gym; or the day I slid seven feet to the floor off a Stair Master (twice); or the day my water bottle fell off the spin bike and exploded on the floor (that was my first spin class…my second was seven months later); or the day I had an all out brawl at Kohl’s in the lingerie (long-er-ay) section with Spanx (you know those were meant to be stepped into, not pulled over like a super big compression wrap?).

So I thought to invite you- the readers of Sneaker Porn Diaries, those who follow, and those who would never admit to following but they do – what’s your silly weight loss story?

The deadline for the Silliest Story…Like…Ever contest is July 15th, 2013. Submit your stories to sneakerporndiaries@yahoo.com using the following format:

Please put “SNP Silly Story Contest” in the subject line of your email.
Please keep your stories to no more than 700 words, check spelling and punctuation.
Be sure to include your before & after picture, and a picture of your favorite pair of sneakers.
Share your starting & current weight, age, city & state where you live.
First names and the first letter of your last name will be shared on the blog if your story is chosen.
If you have a blog, please include the blog address so your journey can be viewed by other readers!

Deadline for submissions is July 15th, 2013. The Silliest Story winners will be announced on July 20th, 2013. And yes, there will be a PRIZE!

Somewhere across the country there’s a secret collective of post-op dairy farmers. They haven’t been clear on their target market, or the cost of their product to consumers when it officially hits store shelves. One thing is clear: confidential sources have revealed they’re milking it for all it is worth.

Ugh.

Piece of advice: if you fell off the post-op salad truck, STOP posting, ‘What do I DO???” all over the internet. If you are a weight loss surgery post op for any length of time (two seconds, two months, two years, two decades), you know what you are supposed to do…unless of course you were hit on the head with fried Twinkies. Then you could be suffering from WLSPOA (weight loss surgery post op amnesia).

To avoid becoming a POW, try the following steps:

1. Talk to someone. You have a primary care doctor, you have a surgeon, you have a nutritionist. If any of these professionals have mysteriously vanished out of your life (alien abduction?)…FIND SOMEONE NEW. If you’re unable to do so then my assumption would be you reside on an island in total solitude, which means you have no access to communications and will not read this anyway.

2. If you know you’re eating habits are bad, and you know you have consumed that which you probably are not supposed to (like a container of crispy oatmeal chocolate chip cookies from Trader Joe’s), get over it. It’s summer. You can grow stuff. Even better, you can pay someone who grew it already.

3. If you have the phrase “I can’t afford to” flashing behind your eyelids in reference to item #2, hold your tongue. Chances are incredulously high you have, oh let’s see: all the cable channels, all the movie channels, a smart phone and a big ol’ plan.

I whine to a select few of my friends, none of whom give me one ounce of slack because they’ve been privy to my weight loss changes. I don’t complain online all that often. Usually I will talk to someone who puts me in my place. I also yell at people. Ask my friend Anne. I chased her bum back across the football field at boot camp a few weeks ago for short-cutting the track, later I made her do half leap frogs. My trainer gives me no slack at all-and it has nothing to do my picture he put on his car advertisement. It’s because he remembers when I was the fattest woman in the gym, how my stomach drug the ground during push ups, or how 40lbs made a world of difference in climbing 17 steps.

God, you have so much to celebrate. Don’t be a POW. Don’t focus on the prison and the chains…neither hold you anymore.

If that doesn’t encourage you, get stuck somewhere. I got wedged in that little space there between the bed and nightstand over the weekend to fix the carpet. I hadn’t laughed that hard at myself in a long, long time.

smallspotigotstuckin

A dear and close friend of mine replied to a text I sent her this morning with the following:

I am very proud of your tenacity…

‘Tis a rare occasion when I become at a loss for words, today was one of those occasions.

Never in a million years would I have said I was tenacious. It’s not been a word I have used when I’m asked to share bits and pieces of my story along the road of life. But I learned something today…I am every word that is found in the definition of tenacious.

Are you?

tenacious

I went with Bestie last night with L-Act and D-Tek to the castle of the Pastry King. They needed to check on a garden, Pastry King was visiting another realm, I needed to pick Bestie’s brain.

Any amount of time spent in the vicinity of teenagers who get along like brother and sister and not like dueling squires, definitely bound to be interesting. As the chariot rattled down the road of death (seriously…I bet an entire family was swallowed alive in their chariot by the craters chiseled in that road!), L-Act ended a sentence with: “…I can act gay.”

I promptly informed him he was in error. He replied, “I can too act gay.” Bestie and I both said, “You SO cannot act gay.”

The next few comments left us a in massive fit of laughter and Bestie overshot the entrance to the castle by a good 200 feet.

IMG_1077After we got wet and dirty dug holes and planted stuff, L-Act and D-Tek took care of a few chores in the castle. I was overwhelmed by MOC syndrome (Mud on Car)…”OMG Muddy” appeared out of nowhere on the rear door. I admitted to the deed…sort of…

Best part of the night was after we left the castle of the Pastry King. Bestie asked D-Tek about a place in town and if they had deserts. The next five minutes were filled with D-Tek’s tale of sugary sweetness, she had the same glee in her voice when the Pastry King speaks such wonders. She is her fathers daughter.

After a chai frappuccino, a mocha frappuccino with no coffee, a lemon pop, triple venti carmel frappuccino and a decaf (really???), L-Act popped out the playlist. We spent the next 30 minutes singing badly and laughing loudly (with tears). Bestie overshot the turn to take D-Tek to her palace because we were laughing so hard. Closer we got to D-Tek’s palace, the harder we laughed. Then the snorting. Then the laughter turned to squeals (that was me)….then Bestie shut us down for fear of what D-Tek’s mom would think (you know, that we were all nuts).

This has nothing to do with exercise (unless you want to count the 40lb bags of potting soil I helped drag around and four holes I dug). I’m disgustingly happy, and having so much fun just being alive.