Posts Tagged ‘curves’

adidasredHey, look. Another write-up on abs!

Not really.

Take a peek at any magazine rack anywhere and you’ll see “Rock Hard Abs” in bold print near a set of…uh…rock hard abs. I get a little depressed when I see those racks (the magazines…and the abs).

I’m fairly certain I have abs…somewhere…under the crinkly skin nobody sees unless I parade around in the dark under a spotlight in a sports bra (guess that would mean I wouldn’t be in the dark, huh?). I’m certain they’re supposed to be located in the “gap”. No, not the Gap – but that space between my tube boobs and belly button (which could be mistaken for an Apple branding snafu: iButton??).

I think I found them.

On a good day I can suck in enough air to look like I got a Tupac two-pack there.

legoabs

I had told someone not too long ago I posted this. I finally found it, it’s from February 2012.

Kind of catchy, don’t you think? I should forewarn you, the reader: you may find this post a little unnerving. The title says it all.

I posted the picture which will appear at the end of this blog (no peeking) on a forum some of us are on for those who have had or are considering some form of weight loss surgery. It was in response to a thread about a picture that has been floating around Facebook that “promotes a more realistic view of body imagery” (that’s a quote – thank you Nikki!). I think the picture promotes a view of body imagery from the male photographer’s perspective, or the magazine exec’s, or the editors.

That warped perspective is plastered on every single magazine cover found in the check-out lane at the grocery store, on T.V., on radio. It’s caused significant damage to our self-esteem, and far greater damage to teenagers and young women who feel they have to live up to this stuff….they can’t enjoy life because they’re too busy trying to have the perfect body.

News flash: no body is perfect, and real women don’t look like that.

Anyway, in the thread discussion someone had mentioned they were tempted to take a picture of themselves in a tank top and underwear, but weren’t that brave. I have NO idea what came over me. Emblazoned permanently in cyberspace for like….EVER…. I had responded with: “I’ll do it! I’ll do it tonight after the gym.”

You’re thinking, “Is she inSANE?”

Maybe.

A little impulsive. But you know, real women aren’t airbrushed. Hair…uh-uh. Never looks that good without the aid of a professional (or a great wig). Also, I see real women all the time in the gym – in all shapes, sizes, colors, and clothes – they work their butts off.

So this is the real me. A real sixteen. In my tank top, next to my unmade bed,  and…uh…in my underwear.

We’ve had rain off and on since late last night, early this morning – but it held off for Boot Camp. I had intended on going either way. It was muggy, but tolerable, and there was a cool breeze to make one feel clammy and cold (whoo-hoo!). For those of you who opted not to make the time, just wanted you to know I met three lovely black women of different sizes being tortured by another. The first gal to show up of the three had some more curves, she cheered me on when I came around my last corner. I cheered her on one of hers. Anyway…

Armed with my hot ‘n sexy Trader Joe’s canvas grocery tote I hit the track.

Tube KitI stumbled on a portable fitness kit not too long ago. It came with two rubber resistance bands (heavy & medium), handles, an ankle strap, door attachment, and jump rope (ain’t happenin’).

Rubber resistance bands are great to add-on to your exercise routines, and they’re very portable. Just like dumbbells/free weights, the bands come in several different strengths from light to heavy strength and you can do just about every exercise with the rubber bands that you would normally do with free weights.

They’re also great in situations where you need to tie up a friend.

Boot Camp WOD:
Rubber Bands
-50 Sides
-50 Fronts
-50 Triceps Extensions
-100 Curls
-30 Box Step Ups
-30 Incline Push Ups
-30 Modified Pull Ups (I can’t pull my body weight up unassisted)
-1.5 mile run (1/4 mile x 6)

I did try to do crunches dangling, but my shoulder kept popping. Since I’ve dislocated it twice I really didn’t want to do a third time.

Final note: while at the park, an older lady came and brought her two little dogs to run around and play on the field. They were little Wiener dogs, and so darn cute! Funniest thing though: I came around the last curve to see one of them tear across sidewalk after a squirrel!

Today’s workout comes from Jillian Michaels’ Slim Down program (apparently that was an Ambien download in April…). I couldn’t do the circuits three times, but I did do:

-Static Lunge w/Reverse Cable Fly: I used a rubber tube and went as low as I could (knee damage). 20x each leg.
-Clock Lunge: Starting the 12 o’clock position, go around the clock. Again, as Low as I could go: 3 revolutions per leg.
-Standing Mountain Climber w/3# DB’s: 20 each side.
-Skaters: These were awkward because my ability to balance while in motion is a little off. 20x each leg.
-Plank Twists: Oh. My. G<>>>. 25x each side.
-Squat Swing w/8# Ball: 20x
-Plank Row w/3# DB’s: 20x each side.
-Mountain Climbers (floor): 60 seconds (almost ate the linoleum!).
-Side Plank: 30 second per side. By this point I had the market cornered on shaking arms.
-Cross Over Lungs w/Hammer Curls 5# DB’s: 25x each side.
-Jumping Jacks: 60 seconds (not quite sixty seconds. I had to stop twice to breathe.).
-Squat Jack: 20x. These were hard, only because I didn’t want to tear up my knees…which are already tore up.
-Oblique side Crunch: Someone had to be laughing their a$$ off watching that. 25x per side.
-Pendulum Lunge w/Hammer Curls 5# DB’s: 25x per leg.
-Hamstring Curls on Exercise Ball: Well…all I can say is I tried. Sloppiest thing I ever did. But I did 15×2.

wallpost2I saved the best for last. Jillian calls this exercise “Shoot ‘Em Up” (she said she couldn’t think of another name). You’re supposed to crouch down, put your hands in front of you, have your feet a couple of inches away from the wall, then shoot your butt up to the ceiling. After, you kick your feet up onto the wall using your quads. Arms stay locked during this exercise. I couldn’t kick my feet up, but I did get them up and did 10 reps. I made the trainer who was in the building take a picture for proof. I’m seriously STOKED!

If you got time to watch all the shows you DVR’d for the past week, cuddle a hangover, eat pancakes, watch cartoons, play video games, catch a movie, have kids to corral or dogs to herd, you got time to workout. I know this to be true…I used to weigh almost 400 pounds.

One day the excuses will run out…or you’ll get tired of the shrill sound of my voice. It’s a lot easier to chase your grandchildren, nieces or nephews, or your own babies when you aren’t tied to a 300 pound brick.

Today I had Boot Camp Solo. I invited 42 people, 1 said “yes”, nobody showed. Yay. 😦

My “gym” of choice was at Butler Elementary in Huntington Woods. A small spot with two baseball fields, short bleachers, a little play park, a track, trees, a water park (I did not go there). It was the perfect morning: sun out, in the high 60’s. Best part was when I rode my bike out into the middle of the baseball field. I didn’t see the sign about no bikes for a good 20 minutes.

Saturday Workout:

Road Cycle: 6.05 miles round trip w/10lb pack (72.2 & 98.4 gains)
Bleachers (run up & down): 25 reps x 5 (125 total)
Push Ups: 25 reps x 5 (125 total)
Squats: 25 reps x 4 (100 total)
Mountain Climbers (I used the bleachers for handles): 60 reps x 4 (240 total)
Track: jogged/walked 4x

According to my little body monitor: I moved 6,797 steps for 3.5 miles (not including the bike ride); I was active for one hour and fifty-six minutes, I was idle for 8 minutes. I burned 2,326 calories | active burn was 1,736 calories | resting burn is 590 calories.

hwpark

Somewhere across the country there’s a secret collective of post-op dairy farmers. They haven’t been clear on their target market, or the cost of their product to consumers when it officially hits store shelves. One thing is clear: confidential sources have revealed they’re milking it for all it is worth.

Ugh.

Piece of advice: if you fell off the post-op salad truck, STOP posting, ‘What do I DO???” all over the internet. If you are a weight loss surgery post op for any length of time (two seconds, two months, two years, two decades), you know what you are supposed to do…unless of course you were hit on the head with fried Twinkies. Then you could be suffering from WLSPOA (weight loss surgery post op amnesia).

To avoid becoming a POW, try the following steps:

1. Talk to someone. You have a primary care doctor, you have a surgeon, you have a nutritionist. If any of these professionals have mysteriously vanished out of your life (alien abduction?)…FIND SOMEONE NEW. If you’re unable to do so then my assumption would be you reside on an island in total solitude, which means you have no access to communications and will not read this anyway.

2. If you know you’re eating habits are bad, and you know you have consumed that which you probably are not supposed to (like a container of crispy oatmeal chocolate chip cookies from Trader Joe’s), get over it. It’s summer. You can grow stuff. Even better, you can pay someone who grew it already.

3. If you have the phrase “I can’t afford to” flashing behind your eyelids in reference to item #2, hold your tongue. Chances are incredulously high you have, oh let’s see: all the cable channels, all the movie channels, a smart phone and a big ol’ plan.

I whine to a select few of my friends, none of whom give me one ounce of slack because they’ve been privy to my weight loss changes. I don’t complain online all that often. Usually I will talk to someone who puts me in my place. I also yell at people. Ask my friend Anne. I chased her bum back across the football field at boot camp a few weeks ago for short-cutting the track, later I made her do half leap frogs. My trainer gives me no slack at all-and it has nothing to do my picture he put on his car advertisement. It’s because he remembers when I was the fattest woman in the gym, how my stomach drug the ground during push ups, or how 40lbs made a world of difference in climbing 17 steps.

God, you have so much to celebrate. Don’t be a POW. Don’t focus on the prison and the chains…neither hold you anymore.

If that doesn’t encourage you, get stuck somewhere. I got wedged in that little space there between the bed and nightstand over the weekend to fix the carpet. I hadn’t laughed that hard at myself in a long, long time.

smallspotigotstuckin

These are curves.

curves

There’s two years and a 140 pounds between these pictures.

Friday Workout

  • Rode the bike: 5.57 miles to the studio w/20lb backpack
  • Boxing: Three 3 minute rounds
  • TRX back rows: 60 seconds
  • 15lb dumbbells: Curls x 15
  • 12lb dumbbells: Curls x 20
  • TRX back rows (again): 60 seconds
  • 5lb dumbbells: Sides x 15; Fronts x 15; Overhead press x 15
  • 15lb dumbbell: Tricep overhead press x 10
  • 12lb dumbbell: Tricep overhead press x 30
  • Push ups: 90
  • Weighted sled pushes: 60lbs x 80 ft
  • Weighted sled drags: 95lbs, 140lbs across the back of the parking lot
  • Rode 5.34 miles on bike home w/15lb backpack.
  • FYI: I drug 140lbs…that’s how much weight I’ve lost.